It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
