And the cops told us we were all naked.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
