I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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