we're chasing vodka with high fives
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
