if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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