she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm too high and old for this...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
