if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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