the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
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sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
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If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
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