dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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