Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
