Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
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please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
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$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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