but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
