Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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