Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
