I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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