Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
