If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
