tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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