I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
