She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
