I just threw up on my dentist
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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