Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
