and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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