You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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