our cab driver is having phone sex.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
