I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
