Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
