Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Holy shit dude........stairs
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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