I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
