There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
