So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i've created a new STD.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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