There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
