I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So much Jack, so little girl.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
