I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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