we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I love having hate sex.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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