Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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