god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
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I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
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The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize