We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
