I don't usually arrange sex via text message
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
