Im at strip club and am horny
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
