So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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