You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
