I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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