oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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