thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
