Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
