Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
