Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
