I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
