Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
