She announced her abortion via fbk
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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