oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
