do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
