Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
