Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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