Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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