i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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