and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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