Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
