And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I DEMAND FORESKIN
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
