This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
