I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
