After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
