Your mouth is God's brothel.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
