this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
how does that bad decision feel?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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