On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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