I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
